Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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