Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
wanna go halves on a baby?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
