Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
