I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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