I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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