Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he thought i was a dude.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
