Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
