The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
