I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
