K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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