I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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