too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
