you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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