i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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