You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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