I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
