my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
