I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
