I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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