Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
