I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
