That reminds me...we need to get swords
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
