Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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