I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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