your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
