if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
