Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Randomize
