I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
