Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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