We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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