At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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