Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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