party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
