I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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