You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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