I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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