I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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