If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
