chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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