EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
