forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
