Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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