we have officially lost it.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
