i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
