wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
