Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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