Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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