I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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