I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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