i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
