Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
