her vagine was all disorganized.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
