can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You left your phone here
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