is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize