it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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