Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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