dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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