Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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