I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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