dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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