mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am naked and annoyed.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
