Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
