sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
