I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize