I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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