I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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