Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
