Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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