Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
