This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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